(scan here, transcript by me)
Elle: Here’s a line from Maupassant: “The essence of life is the smile of round female bottom, under the shadow of the cosmic boredom.” Any thoughts?
RP: That is an absolutely true quote. Round female bottoms are very much a miracle.
Elle: How great of a novel is Bel Ami?
RP: Amazing. One of my favorites. The script was really good too; Duroy has kind of changed a little bit. He’s so cynical in the book, but now he’s so convinced that he knows everything and that he’s been wronged, that he ends up being very earnest. He realizes that the whole world he lives in is based on a lie; it angers him so much that he basically wants to burn the whole thing down..and in trying to enjoy everything, he becomes what he hates most: a pompous shit.
Elle: Was it fun playing a ladies’ man instead of a celibate?
RP: Completely. I thought it was funny as well - Twilight having quite a bit of a female audience-to play a guy who basically screws women out of money. I like the fact that you never hear of a movie where the bad guy stabs every single person in the back and then wins.
Elle: so you relished playing a sleazy journalist?
RP: I like the section where he gets a job as a gossip writer and in a completely banal way just makes stuff up-uses the same story and changed the names. I think that is very, very true.
Elle: It was once reported that you were pregnant
RP: Yeah, a couple years ago. That was true, though
Elle: Any other odd encounters with the media recently?
RP: A bunch of paparazzi were following me, and I thought the best way to deal with it was to stop my car in the middle of the street and say, “I’m not leaving, and I’m not going to speak to you anymore.” They got all pissed off because they can’t just keep taking the same picture. We were in Venice by the boardwalk, and they kept trying to get all these drug dealers to come up to the car. I was just like, Oh my God, this is insane.
Elle: Have you ever fantasized about doing something to destroy the “Twilight” image of you?
RP: You know, when the whole thing dries up and there’s hardly any paparazzi around-I don’t know, in 15 years or something-I like the idea of just one paparazzo coming out and trying to get a picture, and I just beat the shit out of him. I mean-out of nowhere-when my picture’s not even worth..and I’ve spent all my money, so you can’t sue me!
Elle: Is your idea of hell to end up at age 45 posing with Twilighters at a comic book convention?
RP: I mean, that would be totally fine-if I didn’t have any responsibilities, if it didn’t affect my career anymore. I did a couple of those after Harry Potter, when I was totally unemployed. You can have so much fun. There are so many weirdos there.
Elle: Have you had many near-death experiences?
RP: Yes, loads. I am the worst driver in the world. Every time I get in a car, I call up my parents and say goodbye.
Elle: What percentage of evil do you think you are?
RP: I mean, I used to think it was more-around 40. I think I was overestimating. I think it’s more like 3, which is very dissappointing.
Elle: What would you want to happen to make tonight unforgettable? Anything you want.
RP: I just got a little dog, so i’m having a very girly night here with my pup, a rescue mut. It’s going to sound like I’m making this up.
Elle: What women did you daydream about as a teen?